In today’s increasingly tense world, comedy emerges as a powerful tool to provide relaxation, destress, and a sense of release. Even dark humor and intentionally offensive jokes offer a unique way to let go of inhibitions and find solace in laughter. As we sit in an audience, soaking in edgy joke after edgy joke, we allow ourselves to laugh without fear, allowing our stresses to melt away in the face of humor’s liberating embrace.
Here Are the Best Dark Humor Jokes
| 1 | Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left. |
| 2 | You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. |
| 3 | You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once. |
| 4 | Wife: “I want another baby”Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one” |
| 5 | Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner. |
| 6 | Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?Because they taste funny! |
| 7 | Why do some kids only experience 363 days per year? Because they don’t have a Father’s Day. |
| 8 | Why do some kids have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. |
| 9 | Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back. |
| 10 | Why did two Asian parents have an Asian baby?Because two wongs don’t make a white |
| 11 | Why did the old man fall in the well?Because he couldn’t see that well. |
| 12 | Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person |
| 13 | Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.” |
| 14 | Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?They were Fascistanating |
| 15 | Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. |
| 16 | Why are cigarettes good for the environment?They kill people |
| 17 | Where exactly are you taking me, doctor? the patient asked. “To the morgue,” the doctor replied. “What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said. |
| 18 | When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it’s natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it’s natural causes. ‘Cause if you was younger, you’d have got out the way! – Chris Rock |
| 19 | When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.” |
| 20 | When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein. |
| 21 | When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. |
| 22 | When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. |
| 23 | When does a joke become a dad joke?When it leaves and never comes back |
| 24 | What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals?Heads, shoulders, knees and toes |
| 25 | What’s the difference between a baby and a potato. About 140 calories. |
| 26 | What’s the best part about turning 60?No more calls from life insurance salesmen. |
| 27 | What’s your name, son? The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.” |
| 28 | What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children. |
| 29 | What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. |
| 30 | What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt. |
| 31 | What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer. |
| 32 | What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car. |
| 33 | What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer. |
| 34 | What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage. |
| 35 | What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick. |
| 36 | What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where. |
| 37 | What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad? The pizza guy shows up when you call him. |
| 38 | What does my dad have in common with Nemo? Neither one of them can be found. |
| 39 | What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens?Woof |
| 40 | What do you call someone who won’t stop raving about how the world is going to end?A climate scientist |
| 41 | What do you call people who use the rhythm method of contraception?Parents. |
| 42 | What do you call it when everyone makes too many dumb Covid jokes?A pundemic |
| 43 | What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats. |
| 44 | What do you call a priest who grew up as an orphan? Father Les. |
| 45 | What do you call a dog with no legs?It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming. |
| 46 | What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway. |
| 47 | What do a hardware store and a deadbeat dad have in common? Screws, nuts, and bolts. |
| 48 | What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial? “I was just following odors.” |
| 49 | What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?YEEST |
| 50 | What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? Nothing. |
| 51 | What animal has five legs?A pitbull returning from a playground |
| 52 | Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces. |
| 53 | Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times. |
| 54 | Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?” “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?” |
| 55 | Top tip: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer. |
| 56 | Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick! |
| 57 | Today, I asked my phone “Alexa, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera. |
| 58 | Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver. |
| 59 | Today I made a decision to visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst. |
| 60 | They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important. |
| 61 | The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I passed her a glue stick accidentally instead. She still isn’t talking to me. |
| 62 | The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family. |
| 63 | The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. |
| 64 | Stop elephant poaching. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled. |
| 65 | Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any. |
| 66 | Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
| 67 | Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible. |
| 68 | Priest: “Do you have any last requests?” Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?” |
| 69 | People with Covid have no taste! |
| 70 | One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. |
| 71 | Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. |
| 72 | My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email. |
| 73 | My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.” |
| 74 | My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine! |
| 75 | My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. |
| 76 | My wife and I have decided we don’t want children.The only problem is we already have three. |
| 77 | My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her. |
| 78 | My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother. |
| 79 | My kid, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him. |
| 80 | My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care. |
| 81 | My grandparents fought during World War II.They ended up getting a divorce. |
| 82 | My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. |
| 83 | My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade |
| 84 | My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. |
| 85 | My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2He never talks about it. |
| 86 | My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, asking, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!” |
| 87 | My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic. |
| 88 | My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story. |
| 89 | My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. |
| 90 | My dad wasn’t absent, he was just fathering remotely |
| 91 | My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him. |
| 92 | Lovely saying. Terrible way to find out you’re adopted. |
| 93 | Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people. |
| 94 | Knock knock. “Who’s there?” Not your dad. |
| 95 | Just say NO to drugs! Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes. |
| 96 | Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution. |
| 97 | It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my good friends would still be alive. |
| 98 | It turns out that a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey. |
| 99 | In New York, someone gets mugged every ten seconds.Poor guy. |
| 100 | Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line. |
| 101 | If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it. |
| 102 | If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh! |
| 103 | If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium? |
| 104 | I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid. They flu over your heads |
| 105 | I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.” |
| 106 | I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you still holding the ladder?” |
| 107 | I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though. |
| 108 | I work with animals, a guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he replies. |
| 109 | I went to visit my childhood home, but the people who lived there wouldn’t let me in. My parents are the worst. |
| 110 | I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife. |
| 111 | I wasn’t close to my father when he died, which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine. |
| 112 | I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down. |
| 113 | I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution. |
| 114 | I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. |
| 115 | I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. |
| 116 | I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other. |
| 117 | I started crying when Dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog. |
| 118 | I read a book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down. |
| 119 | I miss all those “absent father” jokes people used to make. When are they coming back? |
| 120 | I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding 32 old guys. |
| 121 | I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. |
| 122 | I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”. |
| 123 | I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice. |
| 124 | I hope death is a woman. That way it will never come for me. (ref) |
| 125 | I have good and bad news, the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.” |
| 126 | I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid. |
| 127 | I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99 percent of you will never get it. |
| 128 | I have a joke about quarantine, but I don’t know if you’ll get it. It’s an inside joke. |
| 129 | I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once. |
| 130 | I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.” |
| 131 | I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn’t gotten back to me. |
| 132 | I don’t have a carbon footprint …I walk everywhere |
| 133 | I childproofed my houseSomehow they still got in! |
| 134 | How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. |
| 135 | How do you ground a gen z?Make them go outside and socialize. |
| 136 | Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life. |
| 137 | Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
| 138 | Gen Z should change their name to…quaranteens. |
| 139 | For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain. |
| 140 | Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: “you’re next”. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals. |
| 141 | Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs. |
| 142 | Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions. |
| 143 | Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon” Man: “Am I dying?” Doctor: “No, your wife is” |
| 144 | Do you know the phrase “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted. |
| 145 | Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.” |
| 146 | Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old. |
| 147 | Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now! |
| 148 | Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection. |
| 149 | Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time. – Robin Williams |
| 150 | Dark humor is like foodNot everyone gets it |
| 151 | Dad: “I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.” Child: “But why?” Dad: “Because you’re going to need them there.” |
| 152 | Boy: “Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?”Mom: “No, you’re getting turkey, like every year!“ |
| 153 | An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough. |
| 154 | A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks, Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.” |
| 155 | A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?” |
| 156 | A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.” |
| 157 | A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.” |
| 158 | A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.” |
| 159 | A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have 10 left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.” |
| 160 | A child molester and a priest walk into a bar.He orders a drink. |
| 161 | “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel brooks |
| 162 | “Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout, but you also don’t die” – Jimmy Carr |
| 163 | “Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.” – Ricky Gervais |
| 164 | “Proof that we don’t understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.” – Jerry Seinfeld |
| 165 | “My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – ’til the accident” – Jimmy Carr |
| 166 | “Madam, your son just called me ugly!” |
| 167 | “If you’re choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, “Heimlich maneuver,” and all will be well. Trouble is, it’s difficult to say “Heimlich maneuver” when you’re choking to death.” – Eddie Izzard |
| 168 | “If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright |
| 169 | “I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.” Anthony Jeselnik |
| 170 | “I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it’s wrong to judge people on their looks…” |
| 171 | “I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy – he always wanted me to go to medical school.” – Lee Mack |
| 172 | “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Joan Rivers |
| 173 | “I intend to live forever or die trying.” —Groucho Marx |
| 174 | “I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s day…Chlamydia” – Frankie Boyle. |
| 175 | “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen |
| 176 | “Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.” – George Carlin |
| 177 | “Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr |
| 178 | “’I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.”— Demetri Martin |
| 179 | ‘Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.’ – John Cleese |
Best Lighthearted Dark Humor Jokes:
Lighthearted dark humor jokes offer a delicate balance between the macabre and the amusing. These jokes playfully touch on darker themes while maintaining a light and witty tone. They cleverly explore the absurdity of life’s darker moments, inviting chuckles and smirks without crossing into discomfort.
Guilty Pleasure Dark Humor Jokes:
Guilty pleasure dark humor jokes take us on a journey where we feel a mixture of delight and guilt. They toe the line between what’s socially acceptable and what’s not, tapping into our suppressed desires to find humor in taboo subjects. Sharing these jokes becomes a private, slightly rebellious act of amusement.
Quintessentially British Dark Jokes:
Brits are known for their unique and witty sense of humor, and quintessentially British dark jokes embody this charm. Often infused with dry sarcasm and wordplay, these jokes reveal the British penchant for finding hilarity in the darker corners of life while maintaining a stiff upper lip.
Best Offensive Jokes for Around the Dinner Table:
In the realm of offensive jokes, we tread into risky territory. However, at the dinner table among close friends or family, these jokes might surface as a daring form of comedic relief. When shared with the right audience, these jokes become a form of bonding, embracing the absurdity of societal norms.
Morbid Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At:
Morbid jokes walk a tightrope between laughter and unease. They tackle grim topics with a humorous twist, prompting involuntary laughter even in the face of discomfort. These jokes challenge us to confront the darker side of life while finding solace in the unexpected levity they provide.
The Naughtiest Dark Humor Jokes:
The naughtiest dark humor jokes push the boundaries of appropriateness, addressing taboo subjects with a cheeky and playful demeanor. They offer a safe space to explore risqué topics through humor, enabling us to laugh at our own human complexities and vulnerabilities.
